Welcome to Vivster!

I’m very sick to my stomach.

I just don’t think that this is a right time for a lame love drama. Damn. Why are you keep doing this to me??? Now that I’m happy with my own life, why do you have to come back and offer some hopes that will never happen?

Our stories are past, and I’ve been trying hard to leave it all behind. Cuz I was starting to get my old life after I’m back from my journey, but what did you do? You left me. You weren’t even there when I was struggling to get used to the real life!!

The thing is.. I have changed. And you could not face it. You couldn’t accept that I was not quite the same person that you had known before. You just can’t take it that the world changes cuz you probably are the only one who’s static in this universe..

So the story goes. I met the story of my life. The right person at the right time. He was my friend, and he’s still one. We care for each other. And I love him. He gives me comfort, he gives me protection. We share our stories, we share laugh and sometimes tears. He’s a shoulder I cry on and he respects me. He’s my love and he’s my very bestfriend. He might not be perfect, but he accepts me for who I am.

One thing that you didn’t do.

Sh!t, this does sound like a lame-teenage-love song.

Well, you’re not a bad person. May be we’re just not meant for each other. This time. May be we’re just different. If only we could go back to the time where we hadn’t had our separation and nothing had changed, may be it would’ve ended up the same. Cuz we are just two completely different individuals. And I just realized it, as soon as you said good bye.

It’s not fair. I only have one love to give, not one heart to be shared. Love’s what love is, it works between two people. When it comes to three, hell, it gets crowded in there. So please just take it. Open your heart and face it. I hurt you in the past, and I won’t do it again. Cuz I will never respond your feeling in the first place. Sorry. So so sorry.

I’m happy with how I am, and who I’m with now. Please do understand.

Never be scared to get hurt in love, cuz it’s one of its consequences. To be in love means you’re ready to get hurt. I’m not saying that if you’re in love there’s an absolute possibility that you’re gonna get hurt, it’s just a part of being in love. And never be scared of being in love, cuz when you get to know love, you get to learn to be a better person. You learn to be a human.

love,

+Vivien+

Hari ini, untuk suatu urusan gw menghabiskan waktu seharian di sepanjang jalan Dago. Well, urusan potret-memotret gitu deh. Gw mencoba memvisualisasikan makna Dago menurut persepsi pribadi gw. Dan mm.. menurut gw, especially for today, Dago on weekend = orang Jakarta. Dan gw pun memotret2 f.o2 yang tersebar di sepanjang jalan tersebut yg lapangan parkirnya dipenuhi plat nomer B, F, BG, dsb. Actually, itu sih cuma sebagian potretan gw aja. But here’s the story:

Poto2in orang di tengah hari kan panas yah, dan keringat mengucur deras dari udel gw (heheheh, no need for further details, huh?). Maka dengan semangat gw berniat ngadem di salah satu FO dan membeli sapu tangan handuk!!! Haha, harganya cuma IDR 7,500.00 bergambar bebek. Gw pun ngantri di kasir (setelah sok2an mencoba sekitar 3 atasan dan 2 rok) untuk membayar sehelai sapu tangan handuk tersebut. Yah,, coba bayangkan situasinya dengan membandingkan hasil belanjaan orang2 di antrean tersebut:

Mbak2 trendy — Rp 320.000,00

Bapak2 klimis beserta keluarga — Rp 540.000,00

Saya — Rp 7.500,00

Hmm… Saya merasa seperti membeli krupuk di The Peak!!!

Tapi kenikmatan yang dirasakan ketika saya menyeka keringat yang melaju kencang dengan handuk FO tersebut? Priceless..

Saya pun melanjutkan popotoan di sepanjang jalan Dago. Biasanya saya gak segitu gaya juga sih, popotoan di HP sendiri aja udah puas. Tapi kali ini yg jadi obyeknya bukan saya yah, jadi yang dari tadi ngebaca mungkin udah eneg ngebayangin saya berpose2 di tengah jalan dan diliatin turis2 lokal. Hmm… tolong hapus bayangan itu dari pikiran anda!!

Anyways, itu cuma sebagian dari hari gw. Dan gw ngerasa bersyukur gw menyempatkan diri untuk rehat dari rutinitas dan melakukan hal yg gak biasa gw lakuin kayak gini. Selain gw mencoba merekam persepsi gw tentang Dago, gw justru melahirkan persepsi baru tentang jalan yang paling sering diafalin orang Jakarta yg hobby ke Bandung ini. Gw bertemu dengan orang2 baru, ngobrol sama orang2 yang gak kebayang bakal gw temuin di hari2 biasa (dan gw dapet handuk baru).

Ada seorang ibu yang sehari2nya mangkal di lampu merah di Dago di bawah Pasupati. Beliau berdandan seperti penari, dan dengan diiringi musik dari kaset yang suaranya mendem ia menari2 di setiap kaca mobil yg berenti ketika lampu menyala merah. Awalnya gw nggak mikir bakal ngerekam kegiatan semacam ini. Tp gw pikir, well Dago is also about intersections. Ya kan? Secara jalan Dago tu puanjang banget dan banyak banget perempatan. Dan di setiap perempatan ada orang2 tertentu yang punya kegiatan2 tertentu. Termasuk ibu ini. Saya pun mendekatinya dan meminta izin untuk mengambil gambarnya. Lalu kami jadi ngobrol2. Ternyata ibu itu punya 4 anak. 2 di antaranya masih sekolah. Ia melakukan pekerjaan ini untuk membiayai anak2nya yg masih sekolah. Katanya, "Biar deh Ibu kerja jadi gini, asal anak2 Ibu nggak." Yap, ia berharap anak2nya bisa sekolah yg tinggi supaya bisa mengangkat derajat mereka dan mendapat penghidupan yg lebih baik.

Hmm… Selama ini gw cuman denger di tv, baca di koran, tapi kali ini gw bener2 ketemu dan mendengar keluh kesah seseorang yg hidupnya jauh kurang beruntung dari gw. Life is tough, you guys… Apa yang semua orang bilang kalo generasi sekarang tuh cuman ngerasain enak2nya aja, bisa dibilang bener. Karena gw salah satu dari generasi yg enak2an itu. Tapi tentu keadaannya beda kalo gw jadi anaknya ibu yang tadi…

Yah, semoga kita bisa mengubah nasib bangsa ini ya? Tapi itu lain cerita.

Oia, gw ngelakuin pemotretan2 ini jg bukan karna gw kekurangan acara, tp dalam rangka acaranya anak2 Arsi ITB yg judulnya 36 Frames. Ntar hasilnya seh bakalan dipamerin, tapi dimana dan kapan mah rahasia ah… Malu aku, poto2nya jelek… Maklum amatiran. Yang pasti hari ini, dengan mengesampingkan pegelnya kaki gw, gw banyak ngeliat hal2 baru yang biasanya gw acuhkan. Mungkin ada baiknya jg kalo gw lakuin ini every once in a while. You know, just step back from the routines and take a walk. See everything from a different perception.

Karna masih banyak hal2 di dunia ini yg belum pernah gw sentuh.

It’s Over Now

by Mocca

I know that you’re very nice

Never ever tell me lies

You’re always there to comfort me

And cheer me up when I’m down

However that is it

You’ve got your world and I’ve got mine

And after all that we’ve been through I must say

Sorry honey, my heart is not for you…

Sorry baby this love is not for you…

Sorry honey, my heart is not for you…

Sorry baby this love is not for you…

Not trying to be mean.. Not trying to destroy you.. What we had was beautiful, but we had enough. May be the best is for us to be separated. I have my own world now, I’ve got someone else that I give my heart to, and you’ve gotta live yours.. Believe me, I’m not perfect. And you deserve better. But thanks, you’re still thinking about me. 

//010704// i’ll never forget this date forever in my life. Thanks.

May be I’ll see you again some place else. Some other time. But not right now. But I’m so thankful that I got a chance to know you and that I had you in my life. Always.